Despite all of my bookish talks about statistics and how they don’t matter, despite everything I could say, or try to say and try to brainwash myself into thinking, I’m only human and, so is everyone around the bookish community. Okay, maybe there are some robots in there, I don’t know, I only know humans so far (if you’re a robot… please don’t tell me. That would definitely freak me out).
I’m only human and that means I’m a selfish, number-focused creature that, no matter what she might do, will always seek validation from the outside world.
I started book blogging because I wanted to, no one was holding a knife to my throat and telling me “NOW YOU GO TALK ABOUT BOOKS ONLINE AND THAT WILL TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE”. (Spoiler alert: it did take over my life, but… that’s not the point). I started book blogging, because I wanted to talk about books online and I wanted to find my people. My thing, too. I did.
Yet somewhere in this blogging journey, early on, I, just like anyone else, started seeking validation. Feeling validated, like we matter, like we did something good, is the best feeling in the world and let me say it out loud already: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be noticed, to have a great following, great statistics, to get amazing opportunities and so on.
Book blogging takes loads of time, sweat, frustration and tears (maybe it’s me. I am kind of intense). Book blogging also brings a whole lot of happiness in my life and it’s only human to want to feel like we are doing this for something. Like we have a voice here in the community that matters. Like WE matter. We want to feel like our reviews are being read, like people are buying the books we recommend and think, oh! I did that! We want to get views and comments and have people to chat with and feel like that post we spent hours on actually works, somehow, actually matters because people are looking at it and commenting on it and enjoying it. We all know that’s goals for any kind of blogger. Feeling like our voices matter.
How the heck do you feel validation as a book blogger?!
In my book blogging journey, it took me quite some time to feel like I was, well… okay as a blogger. To feel like I mattered, like I have something interesting to say, like, people actually care about what I spend so many hours on. That being said, when I think back to everything that happened to me in over three years of blogging… I feel pretty lucky to have gotten this “validation” feeling, whenever….
- I get not ten, not twenty, not hundred, not thousand of comments, but ONE comment. One comment already makes me feel that way,
- Whenever my stats increase, because we (me included) can say whatever the heck we want, we are still quite HAPPY when these damn stats increase.
- Whenever someone actually mentions, casually, that they like my blog?! In an award, in a blog post, in SOMETHING, I’m already tearing up.
- Whenever someone just thinks about me for a book tag? I mean, they thought, yay, let’s tag Marie and I’m like, AWWWW. Even if I have tags back from 2015 I haven’t gotten around to.
- And yes, let’s mention that one because, let’s face it, it is a dream and it WAS one of my dreams, I’m not scared to say this: getting my first physical ARC, as an international blogger.
There are other, tiny, small or bigger things that, in my blogging journey, made me feel like I was somehow, doing good. Doing something right.
We all want traffic. We want books. We want answers and interactions to our blog posts. We want twitter accounts over 3 K, because that’s where everything happens now and we want authors to recognize our names (or twitter handles. whatever). We’re all greedy and humans and we just want to succeed and, success is more often than not, in our minds, completely linked to these things.
We just want to feel like, in a community of thousand and thousand of people, we are not just one grain of sand.
Validation comes from outside, but it also needs to come from inside. Before anything else.
Visits, comments, ARCs, everything else coming from outside that might make you feel like a book blogger, are things that can completely be out of your control. Blog hopping, commenting, sharing with the community and everything else, like I did a whole lot since I started blogging, helped me create a love bubble and made me feel included and therefore validated, somehow. Yet, these things are sometimes totally random. People get busy, visits go down. You don’t live in the United States, so ARCs are harder to come by. You’re just not made for twitter, because that amount of drama freaks you out.
And you know what, that’s okay, too, because you don’t need any of these. Validation as a book blogger needs to come from inside, too.
I know I personally have trouble doing that thing, because I tend put others, the community and outside people and opinions before mine. Not trying to show off, say I’m awesome or anything else here, because if you know me, I am far, far from being that person. I tend to make validation come from outside and I’ll admit it: I didn’t feel validated as a book blogger until late last year, because I let other factors determine my worth as a book blogger. It mattered for me, but I just realized how wrong I was.
As fun and amazing as being validated by exterior factors feel, what matters the most is what we think of ourselves, what we put out there. I’m proud of the things I’ve accomplished and this is the first time I’m writing this down, really. This feels weird. Obviously, I won’t be lying and say I’m not proud of the followers, the blog, the comments, the shares, every single thing that the outside gave me for so many years.
Yet, I’m also proud that I kept up with this for so long and I still love it. That proves something.
I’m proud of the connections I made – aside from the comments these people bring me, I’m proud and happy and thankful to have genuine friends that will recognize themselves, my queens and so many others. I sometimes still need my sister to tell me that I’m doing okay, that I can take a break every once in a while, that it’s okay if there are highs and lows and ARCs denials and mail that will never come. I’m still standing and doing this and I’m just validating the hell out of myself because I’m doing good. As long as I do it with love.
What makes you feel validation, as a blogger? Comments, followers, statistics?
Do you still struggle with that feeling of “do I matter?” or not? (Let me tell you, YOU DO, you’re doing great, keep on going!) ?
This was your reminder to be proud of yourself, you’re doing FANTASTIC and, personally, I am so proud of you.
I have mixed reactions here, Marie. Sometimes I think all that matters is that I am happy in what I do. But sometimes when posts don’t do well, I feel a little down. I guess it is part of the whole game. And like you said, we know traffic,ARCs etc are kind of beyond our control, yet we try to pin our value to these.
It’s all so complicated, I agree. I really want and think it’s important to remind ourselves why we do this and that we are happy, because we talk about what we love. Yet, it’s so hard not to take a look at stats and let these elements influence us and tell us what we are worth. I think it’s good to remind ourselves every once in a while that, no matter what the stats are, we are doing great, because we do something we love 🙂
Thank you so, so much for your sweet comment and for stopping by! <3
I so feel this post. I blogged for about 6 years at another location before quitting for a while and then switching to this one, and I think I quit because the way I viewed validation went from internal to external. Before, I was just happy to be blogging and getting accepted for eARCs to review and to get to call myself a blogger. After a while though, I started getting super discouraged by the lack of stats, likes, and comments I was getting (okay, mostly my super low and embarrassing stats). I focused on stats so much that I just didn’t see a point in continuing, because I felt like I was doing everything right blogging-wise, and I was still getting nowhere.
My stats are still super low (probably because I just started blogging again in March), but I’m already getting more likes and comments consistently because I think I’m interacting with the community more, which is something else I thought was missing from my blogging experience. The fact that people are actually interacting with me this time around is helping me feel a little more validated, but tbh I’m still worried I’ll never get stats above 20 views per day. I don’t like feeling like I’m doing everything right but still not getting where I want to go because of things out of my control, but in terms of other validation, being in tune and interacting with the community more is really helping.
Great post!!
Oh thank you so much for your sweet comment and for taking the time to write all of this, it means a whole lot <3
I have to say, it's hard NOT to think of validation as comments, stats and everything else coming around with it. I always struggle with that, even if I try not to, some days are better than others, I guess. I think it's important to remember what makes us happy: talking about books and… for me, interacting with people as well. I love blog hopping and chatting with other bloggers and, I feel validation whenever I have a lovely conversation, that just makes me feel "part of it all" in some way, and that's the best validation you can get, I think 😀 As well as the one you get from doing something that makes you happy, obviously 😀
I'm so glad you are having a good time so far though and I really hope you will keep on feeling this way, you are such a lovely blogger, Mel <3 <3
Thank you so much <3 <3
aw, thank you so much, Marie! That really means a lot <3
Oh you’re so welcome, just saying the truth! ??
Hey guys! Hi Mel! Don’t worry about low daily stats because I’m right there with you! 2015 seemed like the year my blog would ‘take off’, but then things got complicated so my momentum flopped and I was back to stats similar to yours for about two years. Things seem to be looking up again, but I GET IT. It feels embarrassing to talk about one’s stats when we compare it to others’, and I wasn’t able to do that until very recently, to share the reality of my stats. So kudos to you, because there’s nothing to be embarrassed about! Each of those views and every comment you make or receive is a way in which you’re part of the community.
And Marie, I think you’re spot on with your post and this comment! It’s not all EXACTLY about popularity. I mean yes, but it’s actually just the means to an end, which is to feel validated, and more than anything PART OF.
Aww thank you so much, Pam, I’m so glad you enjoyed this post, thank you for your sweet words and for taking the time to answer ????
I so agree, what matters the most, at least what makes me feel happier and “validated”, is the fact that I feel part of a community here 😀 ?
I’ve only just started bookblogging (a month and a half? I think?) and I already feel myself getting a little obsessed with stats and numbers :’) But I know that from myself, I do that in other areas of my life as well, so yeah I’m really trying to step away from those ideas and just have fun writing about books 😛 But it’s hard because as you say, Validation!! Feels!! Good!!
Ahah yes, it does feel really good and it’s so easy to get obsessed and really fixated on numbers, above everything else. I find that focusing more on interacting with people makes me feel really good about everything and part of the community as well 😀
I really hope you’ll keep on having fun talking about books, that’s what matters the most 😀
Thank you so much for your sweet comment! <3
Wonderful posts! I’m one of those people who just doesn’t do Twitter well. I’m envious of people who are clever on the spot like that, but I’ve never settled into that space like I do others. 🙂
Oh thank you so much! <3
I'm envious of these people as well, haha, I wish I could be that way haha 🙂 We can't do it all though 🙂
I started my blog for myself, mostly, not really thinking that anyone would actually read it. But slowly, it’s built up and I have many wonderful followers now. At this point, it’s good to get validation, to inspire me to keep going and doing what I do. That mostly comes through comments, especially when people say I’ve convinced them to read a book based on my review.
Oh yes, this is the BEST feeling, whenever someone says we have convinced them to read a book. I love that so much and it really makes me feel like my endless shouting and fangirling is good hahahhaa. 🙂
Thank you so much, Angela 😀
I think comments give me the most validation because they take the most time and effort. Likes and follows are lovely, but comments show that people actually read what I posted and had some sway on them. Great post!
I have to agree with you here, I love comments the most, plus they are the best way to start a conversation and talk about books more and I love it 😀 <3
Thank you so much!! <3
I agree with so much that you mentioned in this post that I don’t even know where to begin. P.S. …I LOVE YOUR BLOG! <3 <3 <3
Aww thank you so, so much Flavia, I’m so glad you liked this post and agreed with it, this means SO much ? Thank you so much!! <3 <3 <3
❤ ❤ ❤
I know you’re taking the time to tell us this, Maria, so here’s what I have to say to you: YOU MATTER.
Your thoughts and feelings matter, and like you said, we’re only human and we need validation (someone is lying if they say they don’t.)
So, thank you for what you have to say.. thank you for being a part of this lovely community!
I think this has to be one of the sweetest comments ever, you are way, way too sweet thank you, I don’t even know what to say ???
I’m touched and really, really happy right now, this means the world to me<3 <3 <3
Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me that, you're the best and made my day ?<3
And sorry for the typo, but I meant Marie***: Anyway, again, I say: MARIE, YOU MATTER.
This is a brilliant post Marie, and I literally agree with everything you said. When it comes down to it I started blogging for the same reasons you did (the same reasons we all likely did) to talk about books, but it’s nice to know there’s an audience for your posts. That you’re not just publishing your thoughts and having no one read them. I agree there’s nothing wrong with that, and pretty much all the reasons you feel validated are the same for me as well. That someone read and decided to comment, that someone thought of my post or my blog for an award or mention means the world to me still. 🙂
Also in terms of self-validation the fact that this year is my three-year blogiversary is something I am so unbelievably proud of (I didn’t even think I’d make it a year!)
Great post, also in terms of validation you are one of the best bloggers I’ve met through WordPress so don’t ever give up. 🙂 <3
THREE YEARS YES, WELCOME TO THE OLD’ CLUB, I feel less alone haha. Damn. this makes me think that, in November,it will be four years for me. What the heck, I feel even older now?
I’m so glad you enjoyed this post and agree, comments and nominations, even if it’s just one, always make my day and makes me so, so happy <3 <3
Oh, Beth, thank you so, so much, you're so sweet, this means the world ??
Whoop, and wow four years is an even more incredible achievement. The time kind of does go really fast doesn’t it?
It really does, and that’s all right. 🙂 <3 <3
Lovely post!
Thank you so much, so happy you enjoyed it 😀
This touched the book blogging part of my heart. I absolutely agree with you 100% and it is so nice to see someone say this! It is so freaking nice and true! I absolutely love your blog and I’m so very happy that I found it. 🙂 You’re one of my favorites and you’re so sweet too!
For me it’s stats and definitely comments. Comments make me the happiest though 🙂 I definitely feel like at times no one cares about my blog, but I’m working on that! Thank you for this post! <3 <3
Awww this makes me so, so happy, thank you so much! you’re way too sweet ??
I agree, comments make me the happiest as well, I just love interacting with other bloggers, it is the best part of blogging. Also, people do care and you are doing AWESOME, keep on doing what you love <3 <3 <3 <3
Awwww thank you <3 Yes, interacting with bloggers is just so much fun to me 🙂
Well my validation comes from the comments, the mention of some of my posts, the tags but also when someone says he bought a book based on my reviews. Now I do dream to get one physical ARC someday…if you have a trick just let me know 😉
OH YES whenever someone tells me they got a book because of my review, I feel SO accomplished haha, I love that so, so much <3 Awww, I'm sure you will get physical ARCs someday, you're awesome and have such a wonderful blog! <3 I don't know how qualified I am for that haha, there are tons of amazing blog posts out there to help, but if you need me too, I'd be happy to, feel free to send me an email! 🙂 <3
With me, validiction comes from positive comments about my blog, though i have only been going for six minths so din’t get loads……
Comments and interacting with other bloggers is the best thing about blogging 🙂 Don’t give up, keep on having fun and loving it and find new bloggers to chat with and have conversations in comments and everything 😀
Thank you so much for stopping by! 🙂
When I first started blogging, I definitely obsessed with stats and followers, etc. As I have found my place in the community over the years those things matter less and less. I love it when someone picks up a book because I have reviewed it or recommended it somewhere. That always makes my heart sing. You are an amazing blogger and I really love your posts. Keep doing your thing. 🙂
Oh same here – sometimes, I still obsess with it all but I think I’m getting better about it and, it’s when I am NOT obsessing that I am happier.
AGREE! I find that, whenever someone tells me they got a book because I mentioned it, or because they read my review, it makes me the happiest, even more than getting tons of views. IT’s spreading the love for books and sharing it and that’s worth millions of views, too ?
Thank you so, so much, you’re the sweetest ?? So glad you enjoyed it, thank you for your sweet comment ?
I totally feel you girl! I stopped caring about the stats and the followers, but the comments and the likes does make me feel validated. ARC’s are really a huge achievement for an international blogger. Sometimes I do feel bit envious when others gets loads of ARC’s from the publishers.
Same here, I think comments and interactions are what makes me the happiest and somehow the most “validated” as well.
It really is a huge achievement, I think it’s probably my biggest achievement as an international book blogger, it feels like a dream ? I guess there’s a long way to go for international bloggers to be as recognized and privileged as US bloggers, that probably won’t happen, shipping costs and everything else, but still. I keep hoping more international bloggers will be able to get that first physical ARC in their hands someday <3
Thank you so much for your sweet comment!! <3
I think having other bloggers recognize me or tag me in some tweet made me feel like I was part of this community. I am terrible at initiating things, because I fear rejection (true story – I have never sent out a friend request on ANY social media platform), so I really appreciate all the people, who have made an effort with me. I have to admit, it is really validating to have a publicist reach out to me for a tour or to see if I would like to read a book too.
Oh I agree with you, it is the best feeling whenever someone recognize you, tags or mentions you. It always makes me day to know someone is thinking of me ?
And you are amazing, you really are – I know how hard it is to feel rejection, it happens to me too and I hate that feeling, but we can’t help it sometimes. You’re doing amazing and I am sure people would love for you to reach out 😀
Oh yes, agree – it’s incredible when someone wants to see if I want to read a book, or grants me an ARC, I feel ecstatic every time haha.
Thank you so much for your sweet comment <3 <3
Wonderful post as always! I still struggle with this but lately I’ve been seeing greats posts on Twitter from a girl named Maude who shares posts about blogging being more out of joy and being happy for what you do receive 🙂 let’s all be friends!
Ohhh that’s great, that Maude sounds like someone I’d like haha. I agree that it’s important to feel happy for what we receive and get, other than stats, just, exchanges we have with the community overall, is the best 😀
Thank you so much for your sweet comment!! 🙂
No problem girl! I love your discussion 🙂
Aww that means a lot, thank you <3 <3 <3
I only just launched my blog a couple weeks ago, and obviously don’t expect to get a massive following overnight or anything, but this post has made me realize just how easy it is to get sucked in by the numbers/stats/follows etc, because all of this is SO TRUE. It also made me realize that it’s important to remind yourself that you started your blog for YOU, and everything else that comes along in the end shouldn’t overshadow that.
Agree! It is way too easy to get obsessed with numbers and stats and completely forget why we started. It’s always good to have a reminder that we started this for us and that we should be happy with what we do, put out there first and foremost 🙂 <3
Thank you so much for your sweet comment! I hope you will have tons of fun blogging and interacting with the community 😀
Damn, Marie. Every time you write one of these discussions you are SPOT ON. I felt this in my bones.
I’ll be honest. I feel like I will always feel a little less than validated until I take the leap into requesting (and hopefully, finally receiving!) physical ARCs. I feel like, at the moment, I don’t have the traffic to be successful with this, but also I just really want to get my hands on and promote the books that are being released – particularly to my country.
But with you about awards and tags! Every time I get a pingback I feel overwhelmingly special. That small validation that someone recognizes you and your blog enough the ping you is like nothing else.
Aww Becca, thank you so much, I’m so happy that you can relate to these kind of posts, this means a whole lot, I mean, that’s exactly why I want to write and put these posts out there <3
I understand – requesting books was such a huge leap for me and it took me YEARS to take it and months to finally get a result, but ultimately it really gave me a feeling of validation, I can't deny that. I hope you will try it out, I'm sure you can be successful with this, you might be surprised 😀
Thank you for the confidence! It means so much!
Once I get on top of my ARCs at the moment I think I’m going to check out a few of the local publishers that I know and hit them up. Will see what happens!
You’re so welcome! I will keep my fingers crossed for you then <3 <3 <3
( I’m a cyborg, but shhh don’t tell. ? )
I think ” statistics don’t matter ” is what we say to feel less… shallow. I don’t know if it’s the right word. We all love to see our blogs growing! If our blogs were gardens, it’d matter if there were no flowers although you keep coming to water them. ? Well, like flowers are the rewards of gardeners, those are our rewards. ? We shouldn’t feel bad to care about numbers.
Agree. I mean, we’re all humans after all and we want to see results and… best way to see that is with numbers. However, we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves either and be proud of what we put out there, first and foremost 😀 x
Thank you so much for your comment, Morgane <3
This post is tearing me up but all in a good way! I’ve always seeked validation and keep looking for it, even though it’s an involuntary decision. And no, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it either. Doing something we love is just the first step; getting a good response is second 🙂 All your points are so valid! I haven’t yet received a physical ARC but I can easily say it would be a great validating point for me as a blogger, especially an international one. And YES, those stats can just not be ignored. Just a peaked up line and I’m in air <3 And of course, comments not matter how many, just make my day. I mean, someone read what I had to say and left their thoughts behind, what could be better than that 😀 Absolutely loved this post, Marie!
OH this makes me so, SO happy, thank you so much Fanna <3 <3
I love the way you see this and you are so right, doing something we love is the first step, getting a response is the second. Obviously, we can't deny that we love the stats and the validation this brings us, but… we should love it all before anything else 😀 <3
I’ve followed you on twitter and have been quietly reading your posts but I thought for this one in particular, that I would comment and let you know that for Book bloggers who are just starting out, like me, it’s been great to see Book bloggers like you who are interested in connecting with the newbies and not just sticking with their own circle of friends. It can be quite intimidating when there is already a supportive group established and you are a bit too shy to push in and go I’ll like to be a part of this please.
Oh hello! I’m so glad you decided to comment on this post, I’m thrilled to hear from you, thank you so much Jade 😀 I get that, I felt the same way when I started blogging, afraid to step in and not knowing whether or not I would fit in, with all of these little groups already formed. I found out that this community is just so welcoming and taking the first step is the most terrifying thing, but once you did, people are so welcoming, it’s all worth it 🙂
I really hope you’ll be able to meet new people and chat about books, it all starts with a little comment and I can say that you won’t bother anyone, on the contrary, you’ll make everyone happy like you just did with your sweet comment 🙂
Sis, you are amazing. I agree with everything and a sense of validation which I love is when an author notices little old me with 200 followers or so on twitter and just favourites a tweet when you’ve done a review and its like ‘OMG I’M NOTICED.’ Outside of that every view and comment, also like you say self validation. Self validation is so hard for me to remember, I always get myself down and feel guilty not posting, commenting as much but like you say life gets busy, things get hard.
You already know this but you kick ass at blogging, life etc and I’m so proud and happy to have met you xx
I get it, self validation is honestly one of the hardest things for me, as well. I constantly need to remind myself that it’s okay, that I’m doing okay, no matter what outside factors are telling me. It can get hard, really, but we just need to focus on what makes us happy, too, and why we love it so much, too <3
Thank you so, so, SO much sis, you're the sweetest <3 <3 <3 <3
I know we talk about this a lot off comments and I can only agree that while external validation isn’t everything, it is still key in me having blogged for such a long time. I need to work some more on the internal validation part, even though I think I got more confident and with that happier with what I put out there. 😀 It’s all a process and I think no one has it down from the beginning, but this was definitely an amazing post showcasing what many of us are thinking.
Oh same here, I know I constantly need to work on that self-validation thing. All.the.time, you probably know that hahaha, but it’s very important to remember to do it <3
Thank you so, so much Kat!! <3 <3
It’s nice to hear someone finally say this! <3
Aww I’m so glad you enjoyed this, thank you so much 🙂
What a wholesome and encouraging post!! As a fairly new blogger, I get pretty intimidated with how established and on top of things everyone else seems, so it’s tough for me to feel validated in my blogging. But it’s reassuring to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way!
Oh I’m so, so glad if this post could be helpful in any way. You are doing amazing, don’t worry! Focus on doing what you love, writing posts you are proud of and engaging with the community, you’re doing GREAT <3
Thank you so much!! <3
I love love love getting comments even if I am not at all good at replying to them, and I love it when people share my post on social media or mention it in one of their round-ups. I actually don’t pay that much attention to stats though. I often feel like I don’t care enough about my blog…but yet I keep doing it because for whatever reason I’ve made it something which matters to me.
I think you have the best way of thinking here, Shanti and definitely how I aspire to be. Obviously, comments are the absolute best for me, since I love interaction so much, but not paying attention to stats at all is something I go towards and want to do more. Keeping on doing it, because it matters, is the best thing to do, and the best way of blogging, for sure. At least, for me 🙂
Thank you so much, Shanti!! <3
I so agree with this post … Thank you for having wrote it <3
Aw thank you so, so much Kristina, SO glad you enjoyed this <3 <3 <3
Aww Marie, how are you always on point? I love you 😀 This is really a nice composition of all my feelings about blogging so far. It’s been 9 months since I started blogging and I only have mere a 200 blog followers. Well, Instagram is much better for me 😛 Yeah the numbers definitely affect me, you know when a blogger who is only blogging for less than 6 months have over 800 followers. I really used to worry about this, but now I am quite. I think these things will happen themselves with time.
Sometimes, I feel like my content is not good enough and it is not people want. But then I get a comment from bloggers like you, and then I feel that I succeeded 😀 You are right, I feel more than happy even if it is only a single comment 🙂
I try to interact with the community as much as I can. But I am no good as near as you 🙂 I am so bad at handling Twitter. I am bad in visiting everyone’s post on the daily basis, but I do make sure that I try to return the love as much as I can 🙂 And thanks to YOU for teaching me all this 🙂
I guess it’s only human to worry about these kind of things, but we also must learn to let it go as well, – so many things are out of our control, too.
I’m so glad if I could teach you something, but honestly you are way too sweet with me, I’m doing my best but some days I am also struggling a lot, aha. <3 <3 <3
Thank you so much <3
Huuuuuuugs! You’re doing so well, Marie! It does get disappointing when you work so hard & there’s a lack of response. Without it, even validation from ourselves can be hard. But the book blogging community is one of the most supportive I’ve ever been a part of, and even if it’s just one comment on a post – it is always so thoughtful, cheery and you always feel like the person is genuine.
Aw thank you so, so much Cam! <3 I agree, this community is really supportive and incredible, I love that so much <3
I try not to think about stats and followers and likes but it’s difficult, I’m only human. It’s easy to fall into being validated by the amount of people who notice your blog, to be popular. I just want to talk about books but I can’t help being consumed by wanting to have more followers, to be noticed, to be known.
I completely understand, it is hard NOT to think about these things and let them consume us. Ultimately, though, we all need to remember that we started blogging because we wanted to talk about books, and should be proud of ourselves for taking that step, speaking up and doing our thing. You’re doing amazing 🙂 x
Definitely keeping that in mind x
Love this post so much! 😀 I also love your blog so much. We’ve been friends since the beginning and that’s exciting!
OH YES this is so exciting and amazing, I’m so happy we both stuck with blogging for so long <3 <3 <3
Thank you so much Ashley! 🙂
This post is amazing, Marie! I think comments give me the most validation, and just make me so happy. It’s the best feeling to interact and know that someone out there enjoyed your post enough to add their thoughts!?
Agree, I love comments the most, they’re the best and always bring a smile on my face <3 <3
Thank you so, so much Olivia 😀
Wow this post really made me tear up, because it’s exactly what I needed, thank you so much Marie! ????
To be honest I’m still baffled that people actually read my posts and take the time to leave a nice comment … like they take the time to read and then form a comment, which is unbelievable amazing! ? And I always squeal when someone features a post of mine or nominates me for a Tag – it makes me go ?????? inside!
I loved how you also talked about internal validation, which is SO important as well, because we cannot control outside factors. That makes it all the more important to find validation and pride in ourselves!
Awww Caro, you’re so, so welcome, thank YOU for your sweet comment, this means the world <3
I agree, every single day whenever I get one comment, I feel like it's insane that people actually read my ramblings or reviews and want to interact hahaha. I love that so, so much. But yes, loving what we do, just for ourselves, too, is so, so important <3
Thank you so much Caro, your comment made me SO happy <3 <3
It’s still amazing how others value our content, because I feel I’m often too critical with myself and everything I put out. So when people say they love my Reviews or Posts I’m always furiously blushing and feeling all warm inside ?
? ?? ?? ?
Same here – I so get that feeling, seriously once again, I’m the same as you ?? I think it’s incredible to have such a welcoming, friendly and warm community <3
Views are probably how I feel validated as a blogger… If I can go over 60 then I know that at least the title was compelling on some level. But its the comments that let me know if a post is popular or not. I feel like ARCs are a crap shoot. I see bloggers who don’t have many comments get mega-huge books… and not a couple, but book after book… so it doesn’t seem like publishers have any rhyme or reason to who they give them too… But I can totally see how as an international blogger how happy that would make me! Great introspection Marie! It was fun to see and understand your motivation!
I feel the same way – I actually feel like I was successful whenever people want to comment back and have things to say on a post. Views can be so random, sometimes, it depends on the title, but sometimes you change a word, a habit, a day of posting and everything’s messed up, so I don’t trust that too often haha.
I don’t think I’ll ever get how ARCs works, but…. maybe I feel like they’re not really looking at blog interaction, more at social media interaction… which might explain why some bloggers with little to no comment on their reviews get massively anticipated ARCs?! I guess haha.
Thank you so much for your sweet comment, Dani! <3
I used to struggle with this because I felt left out of amazing opportunities and overlooked. However, I now just realized that my blog is for ME so I can do what makes me happy. My stats aren’t increasing but I’m trying not to focus on that. Thank you for sharing this!!!
Oh you’re so welcome, I’m so glad that your blog makes you happy, that’s the most important 😀
Thank you so much!! <3
“Validation comes from outside, but it also needs to come from inside. Before anything else.” I LOVE THAT!!
I think for me, my validation does come from the stats and comments. That’s just how our culture works. We’re kind of being conditioned to find validation outside of ourselves – in the number of likes we get on instagram, the number of followers on twitter, the number of comments on our blog. I really loved your perspective on this though, and you’re right. If I’m super proud of a post and I think I’ve done a really good job, I should be proud of myself! I wish I could say “well, I think I’ve done an amazing job, so it doesn’t matter if no-one comments”.. but if no-one comments on a post I’m really pleased with, I’d be disappointed. It’s hard to get out of the mindset of needing external validation. I think I’m going to keep reminding myself why I started blogging and why I enjoy it, and try to not focus on the stats so much. Thanks Marie, amazing post!
I so get that. I mean, I can say whatever I want and try to inspire myself as much as I can, I will always, in a way, look for some exterior validation and I will be disappointed when a post I loved writing does not get the feedback I wanted it to. I mean, that’s only human, I can’t help it – yet I think, every once in a while, it’s still important to be proud of ourselves, for what we did and put out there, for the work we do and most importantly, to be proud to be blogging because we enjoy it <3
You're so welcome, thank YOU for your sweet comment <3 Also, you're doing amazing with your blog <3
Why do I always want to give you bear hugs after reading those posts??? ? Probably because you’re so hard on yourself, but I still understand you a lot. If ever don’t feel validated, you can come to me and I’ll remind you how amazing you are!!! I feel like you’re kicking so much ass with blogging and idk, you’ve taught me so much about patience and what I should expect in terms of blogging. And you’re giving so much to this community, so I really hope you get a lot from it as well because you’re amazing ❤❤❤
Why do I always want to cry after reading one of your comments ?? you are way, way too sweet, thank you so, so much for always being here, you’re the best <3 <3
I’ve definitely struggled with this A LOT this past month. Especially since I kind of feel a bit out of the loop with all the amazing new blogs I’m just discovering. I know it just means I’ll have to comment more, but I just haven’t found the time for that at all these days! So I think just the fact that blogging is so time consuming makes it hard to get that validation. BUT one day I’ll get the motivation back. Maybe haha.
I’m so glad you’ve been keeping up with your blog for so long!! <3 I hope you'll ALWAYS feel validated to continue!
Oh I completely understand that – whenever I take a break, small or big, and come back, I feel totally lost and irrelevant all of a sudden. Everything just moves so fast?! It’s insane. Blogging takes so much time, yes, and it’s even harder to feel that validation when we feel like we don’t have enough time to… put into it. If that makes any sense.
I really hope you will find your motivation, Valerie, if you ever want to talk about it all, know that I’m here! I don’t know if I will be able to help, but I’m always here if you need <3 <3
Aw thank you so, so much for your sweet words, that means a lot <3 <3
Yeah there’s nothing wrong with wanting to find your place 😀 And I so relate about all the ways you get that validating feeling! But it’s okay when not everything happens. And you should be proud of everything you’ve achieved- you’ve done amazing things!! 😀 <3
Agree, feeling validated is important, but we can’t have it all either. It’s important to love what we do and validate ourselves, too 🙂
Awww thank you so much, you’re so sweet!! <3 <3
You’re welcome!! <3 <3
Such a relatable post and wonderful gifs! Thanks for sharing!
Aw thank you so much for reading, so happy you enjoyed it 🙂
I can relate to this! It took me so long to accept that I was good enough as a blogger. In fact, for my first few blogging months, I wouldn’t even share my posts on Facebook because I thought I wasn’t that great a blogger.
And then like you’ve mentioned in your post, validation came internally. I strongly believe that my voice is heard (even if by just 2 people ?) and that’s what keeps me going.
Also, fun fact: Another thing that keeps me going is how sometimes at work, when I get bored, I google my own name. My blog shows up! Isn’t that amazing? It’s my favorite thing to do, no matter how narcissistic it sounds. ?
I love that ? It does not sound narcissitic, it happens to me, too ?? makes us proud, to see ourselves popping up like that on the internet 😛
I’m so glad that you found your, well, inner-validation, if I can say it that way? It’s really the most important, enjoying what we do and feeling like we matter, no matter what our numbers are. That’s the goal 😀
Thank you so, so much for your sweet comment <3
Hello Marie!
Love this honest and thoughtful post 🙂 I whole-heartedly agree that it is okay to want validation as a blogger, because it is hard work and a big commitment to do what we do. It is only natural to want to be rewarded for it right? Also, I think a lot of validation that I get as a blogger also tie in with being part of a community (such as comments, tags, awards, etc), and the community is one of the reasons why I love blogging.
I also agree that internal validation is as important as external validation. One thing I decided to do is to set goals based on what I have control over (# of blog posts per week or # of hours spent on blog-hopping, etc), instead of things that I don’t have control over (# of followers, comments, likes, etc) – I can’t control how many people will see my next blog post, but I can decide to make more regular posts to boost blog traffic 🙂
Great post!! I think you are an awesome blogger and you should absolutely be proud of everything you’ve accomplished <3
Agree, it’s only natural to want some recognition, since we all are working so hard and spending so much time on our blogs, too.
I love your idea of setting goals you have control over, such a brilliant idea! It’s something you can control yourself and that can boost views and following for sure, but that you can also control yourself and I’m all for that. 🙂
Thank you so, so much Sophie, you’re way too sweet, that means the world!! <3 <3 <3 <3
Yes 🙂 I feel that we shouldn’t beat ourselves up about things that is out of our hands, you know? Even if a post didn’t do as well as I hoped, at least I did my best writing the post. It’s hard though, since I think our human minds are programmed to care very much about what other people think (even people who pretend to not care what others think!)
You’re welcome <3 🙂
Yeah, I guess it’s way too hard to desinstall that little part of our mind always caring too much about what other people think ?
Haha yes 🙂 It’s forever there (since we’re humans, not robots!)
Marie, this is such a great post! I think too many people want to put on a “it doesn’t matter as long as I’m doing something I like” mask, and it might be true for them! But I can’t help but feeling that that’s not something that can keep you going for years or even decades. Once you stop feeling that internal gratification you need something external to keep you going. At least that’s how it works for me, and as a very introverted person it took me a while to realize that I’m….more than okay with the attention that some of my posts or reviews have gotten. However, I didn’t start feeling like what I do really mattered until I started basically (almost) only reviewing queer books, because I want to help people find them and have discussions about representation in all its forms. It doesn’t have to be the same way for every blogger but I think finding something you’re truly passionate about (it might be a subgenre or books with a specific theme or whatever) really helps you find like-minded people, and that usually means validation because these people will leave you comments and you can get to know them and make new friends, which in turns helps to keep you passionate about blogging 🙂 anyway, what I was trying to get is that there’s nothing wrong with wanting/needing validation and I wish more bloggers were transparent about this because to claim the opposite seems a little bit hypocritical to me. Anyway!!! Again thanks for the great post ♥
Oh thank you so, so much, that’s so sweet, I’m so glad you enjoyed my post! 🙂
I agree, while I really think it’s important to be passionate and focused on why we do it, for ourselves, seeking validation and finding our kind of people to share our blogs, book recommendations and so on and feeling validation through the comments and conversations we can have, ultimately matters a whole lot as well <3 <3
Thank you so, so much!! <3
I think it can be difficult to feel validation because we never really know what type of impact we are having. I get tons of search engine hits on one post, for instance, but I have no idea if half of those people are reading the post or just clicking back because they didn’t mean to go to some random person’s blog. If someone did read the post and it changed everything they thought about the book, I’d also never know! And sometimes people nominate our blog for awards or mention that they love our blog–and I have no clue who they are. They have never commented on our blog so I didn’t know they followed it, much less loved it that much! There could be tons of people who follow your blog and love it to pieces. They just don’t ever say it out loud (or in writing, as the case may be).
OH you are making such a great point. I think that’s why I love comments so much, when people reading my blog posts actually let me know that they appreciated it through a comment, or that I made them want to get a book, etc. That, these little thoughts and the time taken to write down that comment, really makes me the happiest. <3
But yes you're right, there could be so many people enjoying your blog and content, but just never saying it out loud. I think that's a bit sad and… that's part of why I'm doing my best to let my favorite bloggers know how much I love them 😀
Thank you so much for your sweet comment! <3
I feel like this is true about ANYTHING in life, actually. Like just about anything. And it’s a real problem for me xD with many things, blogging included. I feel like it might actually be even worse for me because no matter that I was nominated for those awards just now six times (six!) I still think I’m a crap blogger, apparently..? The main thing I can’t get over lately (and haven’t been for the longest time) is the fact that a lot of bloggers who started at the same time as me, now have double my followers. And I can’t seem to break the damn 500! The funniest thing that I absolutely don’t get is that I have amazing engagement stats – for example, I get as many comments as you or Cait on a lot of posts. Well, maybe slightly less. But like a lot! Every week I log in and can’t deal with the deluge of comments. And yet I have no follows. What gives? Meanwhile, every other blogger who started when I did, has 1k follows, and yet 1-6 comments on their posts. How does this even work? Why do people follow them if they don’t care to interact? Why do they storm me with comments but I don’t get followed? What’s wrong with my content? This question bugs me out to no extent (mostly because I think you’ll agree that it makes no sense xD)… but also it’s really hard because every time I see my stats, I basically bully myself that “you loser, you can’t even get those pathetic 4 last follows to get you over 500, when everyone else is in the thousands”, and it’s the worst thing ever, and no matter what, I can’t seem to stop feeling that way 🙁
I have to agree with you that the validation feeling comes with pretty much everything in life and is hard to deal with, no matter what haha.
I’m so sorry you are feeling this way and it totally makes sense to be and is NOT stupid at all, Iget where all the frustration comes from, especially when you get the engagement, interaction, but not the follows that should be going along with it all :/ I wish I could resolve that for you – but I KNOW that the issue does NOT come from your content at all – people are commenting on your posts a whole lot, that’s a sign that they appreciate it a whole lot, that’s for sure. Also, you got a MASSIVE twitter following as well, that’s something you should be proud of!! AND THE NOMINATIONS, GIRL WHY WOULD YOU FEEL LIKE A CRAP BLOGGER???? You got SO many nominations and pretty sure you’ll win some, as well, and that’s a wonderful sign of appreciation from the community for sure, they LOVE you and your content enough to nominate you <3 <3
I know how hard it is NOT to look at stats – but honestly you are not a crap blogger at all, you're one of the best and most famous bloggers, seriously, the comments, the nominations, everything proves that you're doing a FANTASTIC job <3 <3 <3
I'm sure that the blog follows will rise, maybe it comes from the fact that you're self-hosted or something? I honestly wish I could help :/
You're doing AMAZING though, never, ever, ever doubt that, queen of blogging <3
I love this post so much, Marie! It’s so, so, so true that validation should come from within first. I never really think about this, honestly, but reading it in your post made me aware of it. It’s difficult to validate yourself, and it takes time and (hard) work, but I’ve finally gotten to a point where I do validate myself as an (okay/good) book blogger and I hope everyone gets to that point eventually because it’s such a wonderful feeling! Thanks for this wonderful post! ?
Oh I’m so, so happy to hear this, Ayla – you should feel this way, I absolutely love looking at your blog it’s so pretty and you write great posts!! <3
Thank you so, so much for your sweet comment <3 <3
Aw I loved reading this post Marie! I think you are so right, while there is nothing wrong with wanting validation from outside sources, it is also very important to find validation internally. I’d say I learned this particular lesson over the past 6 months since my blogging became sporadic due to personal reasons. While I miss being as active as I once was (and all the stats) I’ve learned to feel validation every time I publish a post. At the end of the day, my blog is for me.
You’re right about that – it is so hard to finally be in that place where we feel okay with what we’re doing and how our blog is and should be for us. I aspire to feel the same way as you do someday 😀
Thank you so much Amanda! <3 <3
I agree. I definitely see validation for my blog when my readers in my community comment on my posts letting me know they’ve enjoyed them. I also have a hard time giving myself credit for the work I’ve done on my blog. That’s something I know I need to work on.
I’m so glad you could relate to this post a little bit 🙂 I completely get the feeling, the hardest thing for me is to give myself credit, as well. But we should, and as often as we can. We’re working hard after all. You’re doing GREAT and I’m proud of you! 🙂
Thank you so much for your sweet comment! <3 <3
Aaahh Marie I love this post!! I think as humans, we all want validation and approval, so we know that we’re doing at least something right/enjoyable! But it’s definitely more so with blogging, when we put content out into the world and hope people like it. And I really love the point you bring up about internal validation! I think that’s super important, and personally, my self-esteem/self-confidence will vary based on my mood/mental health, but if you don’t like what you’re doing and think it’s worth it, then you need to make sure you do! A lot of the time external validation can help you feel internally validated, but there needs to be some internal validation that isn’t connected to external validation, at least imo. 🙂 <3
Oh thank you so, so much May, this means the world to me that you enjoyed this post <3 <3 <3
I'm with you, a lot of self-confidence comes from the way I'm feeling too, at the moment. I agree though, yes, if internal validation can come from external validation as well, we should and need to feel that validation feeling without others, as well. That's the most important thing <3
Thank you so, so much for your sweet comment <3 <3 <3
Thank you very much for making this amazing post, I will talk for myself that I feel validated and I feel happy when people comment, like and also say nice things about our kingdom. There are so many blogs and so many Instagram accounts… That sometimes is so hard to be noticed… And create content is so difficult and so time consuming… I love it don’t get me wrong but I also love when people actually check it out xD we all want to be read and we all want to make this our job I guess? Haha
But I have to agree with you that I started this blog because I wanted to talk about books with people that actually read. <3
So thank you very much for being one of those :3
I completely get it – I mean, if we are doing this for ourselves, it feels great to know there are people reading what we put out there and enjoying it, for sure. But don’t worry, you’re doing AMAZING, always remember that, as long as you’re having fun 😀
Thank you so, so much for your sweet comment! <3 <3
Totally! I love it but I love it more when I see people around haha there is no Kingdom if there are no people in it XD Thank you for making such a great post! I will for sure keep having fun!
Wow I loved this post so so much! I agree with you completely. Even when I get one comment on my blog posts I feel very happy. I love this post because it is honest and so true. Also I love your blog 🙂 <3
Awww thank you so, so much, you’re so sweet, this means the world to me <3 <3 <3 Thank you!! <3
Awww Marie! I’m glad you feel so validated! You’re one of my favorites and I think that you are an awesome person! I don’t have a book blog but I wonder a lot if I matter. So this post was helpful! Thank you!
Oh thank you so, so much, this means so much ?❤️❤️
very inspiring post, Marie! I don’t get high stats like other bloggers but I’m happy for getting 800+ followers by writing primarily reviews and promotional posts (no discussions or any other features) and obviously comments works the magic.
Oh thank you so, so much, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂 and yay that’s fantastic! What matters is that you’re enjoying what you do 😀