After you’ve been blogging for more than two years, you think that things would get easier, somehow the blog posts obvious and your blogging voice here and screaming to get out everytime you write. But it is not always like this and if there’s something I struggle with in my everyday life just as well as in blogging, it’s confidence. I want, today, to tackle this delicate subject in my blogging ways feature, hoping you’ll enjoy this new, a bit personal insight into blogging.
The book blogging community is huge. I have discovered so many bloggers, and even made some blogging friends I talk to on an almost daily basis, which I LOVE. But given my type of personality, I always have the wrong (I know), tendancy to ask myself if I am good enough. Blog-hopping every day, being on Twitter and seeing all these fantastic bloggers with revolutionary ideas, gorgeous blog designs and layouts, writing stunning reviews with their own words they can manipulate sort of like magic, will do that to you. See, I’m someone that is very, very prone to comparison every single day in my life, and somehow this teeny, tiny feeling of measuring up to everyone else’s accomplishments has found its way into my blogging routine.
Thinking about this feels silly, so does writing about this on the blog, but lately I feel like this feeling has been taking over my life and my little blogging enthusiasm. I LOVE blogging, even if it’s so time-consuming I sometimes wonder what the heck’s wrong with me for caring so much about this. And I think that’s the reason why I’m like this: I care too much about things, both in life and in blogging, which brings me more than often to compare myself to all the other fantastic book bloggers out there and wonder if, if I care so much about this, how I can do better and be better and be just like these bloggers I admire so much. I just want to be my own role model, really. #goals.
Jealousy comes from so many things, and with social media everywhere and everyone showing off their super-wonderful-lifes, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. In blogging, it might be because I spend so many times blog-hopping that, sometimes, I find myself sad not to have thought of an idea before, or not to have written it down earlier. It might be because I see so many people reading books I haven’t gotten to yet, or didn’t get an ARC of for whatever reason – or maybe because I’m French and not in the US, or someplace where getting physical ARCs seems to be way easier. It might also be because I’m way too often on Twitter even if I am not tweeting, and seeing everyone active and speaking up about things that matter. Things that I did not see because I haven’t read the right books yet, because I am not as talkative as I could be and just overall, because I often feel like what I have to say don’t always matter.
But I guess if everyone thought this way, then no one would speak up, both in life and about problematic books, and nothing would change.
I want to take that blogging envy and tell it to just, well, f*** off. Sorry for the language here, but there’s no other word to express this. I want to be kinder to myself, to tell myself I am working hard enough and that this is my blogging space. I want to remind myself that it’s okay to feel jealous, but this should be a good enough reason to get things moving and speak up, write that blog post my own way, get inspired by others (without stealing ideas obviously) and just do.my.thing.
I hate blogging envy, but I have no advice on how to make it get away. I wonder if I’m anyone’s role model or anyone’s source of jealousy just like so many bloggers are, for me. I wonder if I’ll ever go to that space where I feel no blogging envy at all. But also, I wonder if it’s worth it. Envy makes us strive for more. Makes us want to work harder to get there, to look like these role models we seek.
Maybe it’s not that bad after all, I don’t know.