You know me, I always try and make a point of being completely honest about my book blogging experience. If you’ve been here for a while, you will also know that I am trying my hardest to be honest and as real as I can in all of my blog posts, especially when it comes to book blogging.
As I tried to come up with an idea, without success, while drafting this post, I just started writing whatever the heck I was feeling at the moment and the result is this. How I’ve been feeling, trying to come up with an idea without much success. How everything blogging makes me feel, sometimes, on bad blogging days.
I am nervous while typing this and probably still nervous as you will read this. This post is probably one of the hardest I ever had to write, because it makes me realize that book blogging is damn hard every single day.
I am doing my very best and I feel like, by writing this, you will all think I am a spoiled brat. If you’re seeing my follower count, if you’re seeing some blog posts I did reaching a pretty cool amount of comments, and so on. This post does not mean in ANY way that I am not grateful about everything happening here. Every single day, I am in awe whenever I see a new follower, a new comment, anything happening on my blog, it makes me want to cry with happiness, knowing how far I’ve come and how far I can still go.
Numbers, statistics and everything else, does not give me a shield from all of the blogging pressures I feel. It does not prevent me from wanting to bang my head on a wall because I can’t find a damn idea to write about. Sometimes, no matter how high or low the stats are, I feel crushed under the weight of others’ expectations when it comes to my blog…. but most importantly, over my own expectations. They’re the hardest to follow and the hardest to please, too.
I feel like I have to write and deliver perfect content all the time.
One of the secrets to blogging success is consistency. When you are posting on a regular basis, it’s obvious that people are coming back to read more, coming more often, which results in high stats, lots of comments and so.
It also brings tons of expectations. I feel like, whenever or if I miss one single day, someone will be disappointed. That someone is me, because I did not manage to have a brilliant idea, did not manage to deliver it perfectly with a great GIF game or anything else…. all of this results in me, basically like this:
Whenever I am not blogging consistently, I feel like I am failing.
I feel like I need to be everywhere all at once.
This is both a joy and a burden. You know me, and given my recent posts, you also know how I love and how important it is for me to support other book bloggers and to blog-hop. To give back to this community that has bought me so much. I WANT to do it.
But sometimes, it’s just too much and I can’t keep up with everything. Whenever I miss a comment, don’t blog-hop for even just one day, take a little while to check my twitter feed or participate to a group, I feel like I failed. Yet I know there are only so many hours in the day and I.just.physically.can’t.
I feel like I have to read all the books…
…and or just know about them, otherwise I’m out of the loop and just… not, relevant. Book blogging and bookish news come and go, every Tuesday new books are being released. I am not a slow, nor am I a fast reader. I read approximately 60-70 books a year and I can’t keep up with all the books being released, nor can I buy them all, because I am not rich and have strict book buying habits.
I haven’t read Six of Crows yet, because I haven’t bought it, because all the hype scares me and I feel like I’m not relevant for that. It’s just an example, one of many.
I feel like, if I’m taking a hiatus, whether small or big, the world will basically crumble….
…and that you’ll forget all about me. I have taken hiatuses before and I will take more, mostly because I need to and because I want to. Yet, the fear and insecurity that comes with it never stops. Whenever I’m not here consistently, whenever I’m not posting and / or blog-hopping, I don’t feel, but I know my stats will decrease. I also know that people will slowly, gradually, forget about me, should I leave long enough for them to do so.
I am genuinly scared of that happening, because I spend so much time working on this little corner of the internet, I want it to thrive and LIVE whenever I’m here and I come back. I wish it could live on its own, too, but let’s face it, it’s not a live creature I can pet.
Okay. That was slightly weird, I apologize.
I feel like I have to do better.
I am a perfectionist and I always feel like I am not doing enough, or that everything is not perfect enough. I know I’m doing my best, but I will always find something to say to a post I wrote a month ago, just, you know, because I’m like that. It is the internet and, unlike in real like, I can take my time with writing down comments, blog posts and answering twitter DMs or anything else, yet… very much like in real life, I feel like I could have done better afterwards. That’s a very stupid feeling.
This feeling also comes from blogging envy. This feeling also comes from the fact that I am an international book blogger and feel like I have to fight harder and to give the best of me to get incredible opportunities, too. I feel like I’m not good enough some days and it makes me go a tiny bit crazy.
I don’t know if I am a big, small, medium blogger or anything else, but I know that I’ve been around for quite a while now.
I also know that, with that, comes expectations, both from the outside and from myself. Expectations to blog, to ‘live up’ to the own hype I build up about my blog and what I should do with it. I am trying my hardest, because I love it. I also know that, sometimes, I am trying too hard.
I need to take better care of myself.
Don’t get me wrong, friends. I love blogging. Blogging has brought me so, so much more than I could ever have imagined and I am forever grateful for it. I don’t plan on quitting blogging soon. Yet, one of my blogging resolutions was and still is, to just TRY AND CHILL for goddamn sakes.
I am determined to keep my love for blogging and my happiness with it. That has to come with me trying not to freak out too much, me trying to be okay if I miss a day on my schedule, me trying to just deliver quality content about whatever the heck I want. And it’s starting with this mess of feelings kind of post.
Do you sometimes, feel that way too? What are some of your blogging pressures? How the hell do you chill about blogging? If you have any tips, I’m all for it.
Let me know all your thoughts in comments, always up for a chat!
Note: I’m taking a small hiatus from blogging (unrelated to this post, but damn it, well, maybe it’s good, too) starting this Saturday, 24th Feb. until next Sunday, 4th March. I will REALLY try to chill and not be here too much to come back fresh, even happier than ever to bother you all with my comments, rants and everything else. (YES. I am even scheduling my hiatuses, but I’m taking breaks and that is a good thing so… leave my inner-planning freak alone hahaha). I will be BACK SOON.
Love you all! xx